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| Eric Branscum 1984-2007
Eric Branscum was killed today when a 300 pound silverback gorilla ripped a hole in his face and crapped in it. The unfortunate proceedings took place while Eric was simultaneously feeding homeless people and recesitating the hearts of 7 elderly war veterans. The gorilla, whose name is Petunia, escaped a juvenile detention center where he was posing as a 9 year old car thief. He is set for execution.
Found in Eric's pocket was a note that read - "In case of sudden death: I have been keeping this note in my pocket for the last 17 years just in case I suddenly die and don't get a chance to say a few words before my departure. First of all, Bruce Lee rules. He is totally awesome. Second, be cool towards one another. And finally, please bury me in a Borg costume. Eric. P.S. Don't post this in my obituary."
Eric is survived by his G.I. Joe's and the little man he molded out of his mashed potatoes. | | |
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| So this is a completely true story.
Back in elementary school my mom would drop me off at the school morning day care before school started because she herself was/is a teacher and couldn't wait around for the bus to pick me up. So anyway, at this morning day care we would just sit in the room and do different activities while we waited for school to start and then at the end of the day, same thing while we waited for one of our parents to pick us up. For the most part it wasn't bad.
Then one day, it would have been in 4th grade, something totally strange happened. During the morning day care, the activity for that day was just a movie. So me and my friends were sitting there watching the movie but then out of know where, the lady in charge comes up to us and pulls me and one of my friends into the hallway. She tells us we are in big trouble.
Now seriously, I have no idea what we have done. We might have been talking a little bit, but clearly we were in more trouble than that. So we're sitting there in the hallway when the lady comes out with some younger kid.
"Is this them?" she asks.
The kid nodded in response. Clearly he saw us do something, but seriously....no idea.
"I'm going to get the principle," the lady said. At this point, I was in a panic. Not only was a freaking out because I had never been in so much trouble to involve the principle, but I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT WE DID! So me and my friend are sitting there in silence, staring at each other, trying to telepathically talk to one another so we can figure out what's going on.
The principle shows up and tells us that he is very disappointed in us and that he would be keeping an eye on us for the rest of the year. I was almost in tears. At this point, I don't know if it was out of anger or confusion or what, but I finally spoke up.
"What did we do?" I asked.
And he looked me dead in the eyes, basically into my soul, and said.....
"You know what you did...."
In class that day the principle came to give my teacher a message or something and as he left he made eye contact with me. Gave me nightmares.
That was in 1995. I was 11 years old. It's 2007 right now. I'm 22 years old.
I have no idea what I did.
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| I've always short changed Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. I've always said it's the worst. Which it is. The order goes; 1. Raiders, 2. Last Crusade, 3. Temple of Doom...that's not my opinion, that's undisputable fact. BUT, I'm watching Temple of Doom right now, at 3:00 in the morning, and you know what? I really can't think of any other movie that features a dude ripping out another dude's heart. Which is all I ask for in a movie. But you wanna know why Temple of Doom is the worst of the three. No Nazi's. Nazi's are the perfect bad guy. There's nothing relatable about them. I've been told in several classes that if you want your story to be more interesting, make your bad guys relatable. Let the audience be sympathetic to them. Nuts to that. I like my bad guys bad. So I guess what I'm saying is, Nazi's who rip people's heart's out are the best bad guys of them all. | | |
| You know, the only way you can understand the definition of a word is to understand the definitions of all the other words used in the definition of said word. So let's take one of my favorite words, "dubious," and see how far we can break it down....
dubious: marked by or occasioning doubt.
dubious: strinkingly noticeable in conformity with or something that provides a reason or justification to be uncertain about
dubious: conspicuous worthy or deserving of notice or attention in correspondence in form, nature, or character in some particular relation to or an undetermined or unspecified thing that to set down as a stipulation a statement presented in justification or explanation of a belief or action or the act of defending or explaining or making excuses for by reasoning to continue or remain as before not clearly or precisely determined in regard to
dubious: readily visible or observable having adequate or great merit, character, or value or to merit, be qualified for, or have a claim to because of actions, qualities, or situation of information or warning of something or observant care in similarity or analogy in a particular condition, character, or mode in which something appears, the universe, with all its phenomena, or an account of the qualities or peculiarities of a person or thing in being an undetermined or unspecified one immediately present or under consideration a significant association between or among things to or a not specifically known or ascertained or not stated explicitly or in detail a material object without life or consciousness that to put into some condition in an attitude of earnest application as a a condition, demand, or promise in an agreement or contract a something stated to offer for observation, examination, or consideration in a reason, fact, circumstance, or explanation that justifies or defends or a meaning or interpretation of a confidence in the truth or existence of something not immediately susceptible to rigorous proof or an exertion of power or force or the anything done, being done, or to be done of making or keeping safe from danger, attack, or harm or to make plain or comprehensible or cause to exist or happen to serve as justification for by the process of forming conclusions, judgments, or inferences from facts or premises to last or endure or continue to be as specified as earlier or sooner than to no degree without equivocation or being exactly that and neither more nor less to settle or decide by an authoritative or conclusive decision in to look upon or think of with a particular feeling to
So I hope none of you ever use the word "dubious" incorrectly again. | | |
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